Boys Will Be Boys
by Panja Mysy
Summary: Based on the image I had when watching the Army dream sequence in Eizou Hakusho. All I could picture in my mind was the four of them as little kids with water guns, fighting off Shizuru and Keiko because they had cooties. So I wrote down my headcanon :D


**After watching Eizou Hakusho, I made a tumblr post about the way that Yusuke's military dream sequence made me think and a blogger stated they wanted a fanfic of my head canon**

 **So this is for ritzyraccoon, whoever you are ;)**

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Yusuke Urimeshi carefully snuck into the bathroom cabinet and pulled down the pink bag from the top shelf, opening the zipper with a nervous glance around the doorway to make sure his mom was still knocked out on the couch with her bottle of booze. She was.

Examining the contents of his mother's makeup bag, the seven year old took three types of eye shadows and put the rest of the stuff back into the bag and closed the cabinet to cover his theft. Very quietly, he slid off the sink and headed for his front door to put on his black combat boots, yes, combat boots, because today was the Battle of Risu Park and his comrades were waiting for him at HQ.

Of course, HQ was really his best friend, Kuwabara's house.

Double checking if he had everything he would need for the battle, Yusuke patted himself down. Camo uniform, check. Walkie Talkie, check. Water pistol, check.

Satisfied, he slipped on his boots and left his house before his mom had the chance to stop him.

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"Here you are, my brave soldier," Shiori Minamino handed her camo-clad son the bag she had made him. Lately, Shuichi and his three little friends had been playing soldier non-stop and so she had taken to sewing him a multi pocketed bag with a red cross on the front, then she'd stuffed it with band-aids, bandage wraps and antibacterial cream.

"What's this for?" Shuichi asked, happily accepting the bad.

"It's a medic bag," Shiori informed him, flipping open the front pocket to reveal the band-aids, "The medic is a very important part of any team because they are the one to help heal the others who are hurt. If any of your friends are injured in battle, you'll be there to help them!"

Shuichi clutched the bag to his chest and smiled the biggest, cheese-eating grin his mother had ever seen, his green eyes practically sparkled in delight.

"Thank you, mother!" he laughed happily, "Can you take me to Headquarters now?"

Shiori nodded and escorted her son to the "tank" (car) and she drove her little soldier to the Kuwabara house to drop him off for the day.

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Hiei let out an annoyed "hn" as he waited impatiently for the orphanage's resident "mom" to leave the room so he could make his get-away. His bag was pre-packed under his bed, his camo uniform, helmet and water balloons were carefully tucked inside so he could grab it and dash as soon as the opportunity arose.

"Hiei," one of the human orphan girls noticed he was wearing his boots, which had been a birthday gift a few weeks ago from Shuichi, so she knew he was about to run off to meet his friends again. "I'll tell Miss Harada you're running away again!"

Hiei flashed her a look that would melt steel and he bared his teeth, allowing his sharp little demon teeth to show for a moment. It worked, the girl screamed and ran away down the hall. This actually created the moment he needed because Miss Harada went into the next room to see what had upset the girl so much.

Laughing evilly, Hiei grabbed his bag and leapt out the window before anyone could stop him. He took off at full run down the sidewalk, heading for HQ. After all, what was a military team without their "explosives expert"? And by explosives, he meant water balloons.

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Sergeant Kazuma Kuwabara examined himself in the mirror, gently placing his leaf covered helmet over his carefully style hair. He turned to the side and examined his pant legs, trying to decide if he should tuck them in or let them cover his boots, he finally decided to tuck them.

After all, a leader had to set an example and look sharp! He patted the patch sewn on his camo jacket's breast pocket that clearly stated his rank and smiled.

"You boys are so dumb," Shizuru complained when Kazuma walked into the kitchen in his uniform, "All you four ever do is run around the backyard shooting invisible enemies with water pistols."

Mrs. Kuwabara saw her son's smile fade and she immediately swooped in to help. She straightened up and put her hand up in a salute.

"Sergeant Kuwabara, sir," she said, dramatically, "I wish you success on your secret mission today. May the enemy quake in fear at the sound of your approach!"

Kazuma's eyes lit up and he returned the salute, trying hard not to smile because soldiers did not smile when on the job.

"Always remember, sir, the mess hall will be here for you when you need to renew your strength!" Mrs. Kuwabara reminded him, "Lunch will be served at noon sharp."

"Thanks, mom!" Kazuma called over his shoulder as he ran to open the door for Yusuke who had just arrived. Yusuke kicked off his boots and the two of them ran up to Kazuma's room to put on the finishing touches to their uniforms.

Hiei was already in the room when they got up the stairs, he'd come in through the window as he always did. They heard a car pull up and Shuichi soon joined them.

"Ok, guys!" Yusuke pulled out the eye shadow cases, "I got black, green and brown like we said."

"Awesome!" Kazuma took the green case from his friend and ran to the mirror on the wall to begin applying the "war paint" on his cheeks.

Hiei eyed the black eye shadow uncertainly, but eventually he swiped his finger across his cheek to spread the color. He grinned when he realized it actually looked pretty cool.

When they had finished applying their "camo", the four boys ran to the bathroom to fill their water pistols in the sink. Hiei began filling water balloons in the bathtub and chuckling darkly as he imagined the enemies he would obliterate with his "bombs".

Finally, the soldiers were walking out the door. Hiei laid his shirt full of balloons in the red pull along wagon and gave the nod to their leader. Kazuma began the marching tempo, left, left, left, right, left, and they were off! They walked around the corner of the block to the playground area of the park and immediately headed for the group of Super Mario type pipes that someone had brilliantly thought would be a great playground apparatus. They boys were grateful for whoever this person was.

Hiei drug the wagon into the center of the group of pipes and took up his position in the pipe farthest back from the front lines so he could easily grab his "bombs" when they were needed. Shuichi crawled into the horizontally laid pipe off to the left that faced the swing sets and pulled out his toilet paper roll binoculars to start recon. Yusuke crawled into the pipe to the right that faced the park benches by the flower garden and pulled out his walkie talkie. Kazuma was the only one tall enough to climb into the pipe that stood straight up on its end so he stood inside, peeking over the top with his walkie talkie ready.

"Private Minamino, are you in position?" Kazuma asked.

"Yes sir," Shuichi replied into his talkie.

"Private Hiei, are you ready for action?"

"Yes," Hiei replied grimly, "And I told you, I'm Private Black Dragon!"

"That's not a real last name, Hiei," Kazuma complained.

"I don't HAVE a last name," Hiei whined, "So I get to pick my own!"

"Fine," Kazuma groaned, "Private _Black Dragon_ , are you ready?"

"Yes!" Hiei sounded placated.

"And Corporal Urimeshi? Are you prepared for this battle?"

"Yes sir! I have two targets approaching at twelve o'clock!" Yusuke announced, readying his water pistol as two young girls in pig tails headed towards the park benches near the garden.

"What is twelve o'clock again?" Kazuma asked, blushing furiously.

"In front of you," Shuichi reminded his Sergeant good-naturedly. "I see them too, Yusuke. How should we proceed, Sarge?"

"Urimeshi, you take the one on the left with the green shoes," Kazuma stated, "I'll take the one on the right. Be brave, friend, we will defeat the Cootie Nazis with ease!"

"Death to Cooties!" Hiei cried loudly, sounding the "charge". Yusuke lept from his pipe and took aim at the enemy, squirting his water pistol directly at her face, he hit his target and then dove quickly back into the pipe where no girl dared to venture. Kazuma perched on the edge of his pipe and aimed at the other girl who was attempting to wipe the water off her screaming companion's face, his aim was a bit off and the water ended up soaking only the left pigtail on her head.

"Dang! That was not a fatal shot! Private Black Dragon, you're our last hope!"

Hiei let out a maniacal laugh and leapt out of his hiding spot behind the pipe, throwing his "bomb" at the two girls. It shattered on the pavement right by their feet, soaking their stockings and shoes and making them scream angrily and run away shouting for their mothers. Hiei punched the air with his fist and jumped triumphantly.

"Did you see that, Sarge?" he asked loudly, "They're runnin' scared!"

"Target at the swings!" Shuichi announced suddenly, causing Hiei to run back to his pipe so fast that he tripped and landed hard in the dirt.

"Ow!" he cried out, clutching his palm as a tear escaped from the corner of his eye.

"Man down!" Kazuma announced.

"I'll help him, I'm a medic!" Shuichi announced, backing out of his pipe and running to Hiei's side to examine the damage to his team mate. He took Hiei's hand and nodded at the sight of the scrape on his palm. "I'll have you fixed up and ready to fight in no time, pal!"

Shuichi took out his antibacterial cream, a band-aid and a strip of bandage and began to wrap Hiei's battle wound. When he finished, Hiei examined the wrapping with a grin.

"You're good at that!" he said, sounding impressed, "I'm ready to fight again, Sarge!"

Shuichi shoved the cream and bandages back into his bag and dove back into his pipe to check on the target he had spotted.

"Oh no!" he cried, "Sarge, we have multiple targets of very high rank!"

"How many?" Kazuma asked seriously.

"Four! Two with blue hair and two with brown."

"Ages?" Yusuke asked.

"The brunettes appear to be 7 and 12," Shuichi informed them all, "The two with blue hair, ages unknown."

"Likelihood of counter attack?" Hiei inquired.

Shuichi gulped nervously. Shizuru Kuwabara and Keiko were very likely to counter attack with a furious vengeance, Botan and Yukina he wasn't sure of.

"Very likely," he decided, "It's Kazuma's sister, Keiko, Botan and Yukina."

"Yukina?" Kazuma popped out of his pipe, a grin all the way across his face. "Yukina is not to be harmed!"

"But she's a Cootie Nazi!" Yusuke stated firmly, "She MUST be taken down for the good of humanity!"

"Not possible," Kazuma said angrily, "Yukina could NEVER have Cooties! She must have been taken captive by the enemy!"

"It's too late," Hiei said, feigning a sorry tone, "She's been infected, she must be put out of her misery. It is the merciful thing to do!"

"I'll take her out so you don't have to," Shuichi offered.

"No, I should be the one to do it," Kazuma said, his voice resigned and sad. "Black Dragon, you take Botan. Minamino, you take Shizuru. Urimeshi, you're responsible for Keiko. Are you ready, team? This is the biggest battle we have faced yet!"

"We'll be right beside you, Sarge!" Yusuke said, sounding determined.

"They won't even know what hit them," Hiei promised.

"I am ready!" Shuichi added his voice to the fray.

"Then let's GO!" Kazuma leapt from his pipe, stumbling slightly as he hit the ground, "CHARGE!"

The four girls looked up in surprise, Shizuru knew what was coming and she was already standing up with a dangerous look on her face. Yusuke, Shuichi and Kazuma charged across the wood chips of the play area and Hiei jumped onto the pipe Shuichi had been hiding in, his arms full of water balloons that he began launching at Botan with alarming force and speed.

Pistols squirting faster than lightning, the other three boys quickly soaked their targets the same time a water balloon broke right in Botan's head, splashing water all over her face and the girls around her. Shizuru's shirt was splattered with wet spots, Keiko was shielding her face from Yusuke's impeccable aim, Yukina stood there looking shocked as streams of water splashed harmlessly on the hem of her kimono.

"Oh, you nasty little monsters!" Botan yelled, shaking her wet hair angrily.

"You got water in my nose, Yusuke!" Keiko screamed, already advancing on the group of camo-clad boys.

"I am going to pound you all into the ground and not even mark your graves!" Shizuru roared, running full force at the boys.

"RETREAT!" Yusuke cried.

They all screamed and turned tail immediately, scattering in different directions to try and shake the angry big sister. She didn't take the bait, she was headed straight for her little brother.

"No! Shizuru! I didn't shoot you, I shot Yukina! I swear I didn't squirt you, it was Shuichi!" Kazuma shrieked as he ran as fast as he could towards the pipes. He dove into one of the horizontal ones but Shizuru followed right after him, grabbing his ankle and yanking him back out of the tunnel.

"Well then he's next!" she yelled, grabbing a fist full of wood chips. She growled and flipped her brother over and yanked the waistband of his pants up, shoving the wood chips into the back of his boxers, then she shoved his now tear-stained face into the ground before standing and going after Shuichi.

"Noooo!" Shuichi squealed, holding onto his helmet as he ran away from the enraged female, "Sarge is down! Repeat, Sarge is down!"

Yusuke turned around to head back for his fallen comrade but Keiko cut him off with a massive slap to the face that caused the boy to sit hard on his butt in the dirt. He began to cry, big fat tears rolling down his cheeks, leaving streaks in his war paint.

"Serves you right, Yusuke, you jerk!" Keiko was unmoved by his blubbering.

Hiei had hopped into the branches of a park tree and was out of reach, watching the battle unfold below him.

Botan finally caught Shuichi and she bonked him over the head with a tree branch, leaving him sitting next to her improvised weapon, crying while he held his tender head.

Muttering darkly, the girls reconvened by the swings and left the park to change their clothes and probably inform the boys' parents of the attack...except Yukina, she stopped at the curb and looked back at the park where three boys were crying and one was looking lost as to what to do to help them. She informed the other girls she was staying and turned back around.

"Are you ok?" the blue haired girl reached out a hand to the first boy. She didn't know him, he had bright red, almost pink, hair that was shaggy over his ears and hanging in his bright green eyes. He looked up at her and wiped the tears away with the back of his wrist, nodding.

"It just hurt really bad," he replied in a sad voice, "All we did was shoot water, it didn't hurt anyone."

Yukina knelt down next to the boy and laid her hand on the bump that was rising on his head, letting her energy flow to him. She saw by his expression that the pain had dulled and eventually the bump disappeared completely.

"There," she said kindly, "Now, I see you are the medical soldier. You come with me and we will help the others."

Yukina and Shuichi went to Yusuke next who was holding his bright red cheek and dripping tears into the dirt.

"She hits so hard," he said through sobs, "I think my face skin is gone!"

Yukina removed the boy's hand and examined the skin underneath. It was definitely red, but no open wounds were visible so she laid her hand on his cheek and healed it quickly.

"Thank you!" Yusuke said, surprised. "You made it not hurt anymore!"

"You better go take a look at Kuwabara," Hiei said softly, making them all turn around to look at the redhead across the playground. He was standing in an awkward way, stomping his feet and holding onto his nose which was dripping blood steadily.

"Oh my!" Shuichi ran over to his friend and yanked out his gauze bandages and handed them to Kazuma, "Tilt your head back and stuff this in your nose!"

Kazuma obeyed, but he couldn't stop sniffing as tears continued to fall from his eyes and this only made his nose bleed worse. He kept shifting as wood chips made their way down his pant legs and into his boots.

"Is his nose broke?" Hiei asked, sounding far too interested.

"I don't know," Shuichi admitted, We should get him to Mrs. Kuwabara to make sure."

Hiei nodded and ran to the pipes for the wagon, dumping his water balloons out and pulling it over the others.

"Here," he said, "Put him in this and we can just pull him home."

"I don't think I can fix a broken nose," Yukina said sadly as she took Kazuma's hand and led him to the wagon so he could keep his head tilted back.

The friends headed down the sidewalk towards the Kuwabara house with their injured friend laying in the wagon still crying from his hurt nose.

"Mrs. Kuwabara!" Shuichi ran ahead and knocked loudly on the door, "Kazuma is hurt!"

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An hour later they were all sitting on the couch in the Kuwabara house, stripped of their blood stained and dirt covered uniforms which were now in the washing machine. Kazuma's nose wasn't broken and Shizuru had been sent to her room without dinner.

"So?" Mrs. Kuwabara asked, "Did you win or lose the battle?"

They all exchanged looks, but to be honest...they weren't sure who had won in the end.

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 **Ta da! There we are!**

 **How did you all like it? :)**

 **If you haven't watched Eizou Hakusho, go do it now!**

 **And review!**


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